EP29 Learn to Mindfully Say No and Turn FOMO into JOMO
We live in a society where social media is steering our subconscious. Driving us towards what we think we should be doing, and often that has nothing to do with what we want to be doing. Everyone on Instagram is playing at the beach because the thermometer has barely hit 65 (although it's only the beginning of March, and it should be snowing. You think, oh my god, I better get outside and enjoy this magnificent weather because, well, it may never come again. But in reality, you had a hectic week, you are exhausted, and you were looking forward to a fireplace and a book. So, turn up the air-conditioning, light a fire and get your darn book. Last I checked, you are in charge of your life.
In this episode, I am going to shed some light on the art and glory of saying no. Why does this have anything to do with meditation, you ask? Well, thanks for asking because it has heaps to do with it. And the answer comes from deep inside the most incredible work of art, which is you. However, this beautiful place seems to get often smothered underneath perhaps: lack of confidence, a desire to please, a fear of being judged, a need to be appreciated, a "Fear of Missing Out" (FOMO).
By the end of this brief episode, you are going to want to run out the door and say no to everything that does not fit the blueprint of the life you want to create. And this my friend creates, JOMO. The "Joy of Missing Out."
Hey there, Alexa Z here, and thank you for saying yes to listening to this podcast when you easily could have said no. And since it was easy, I ask that that you quickly hit subscribe to this to keep me going. Then at that time, a podcast drops; you will know about it and can easily say yes or no to listening! It's all up to you. No guilt!
How many times have you said yes to something and then lamented over why you said yes? So much so that you find yourself making up lies to get out of whatever you answered yes to and then living with the guilt of the lie. And 99% of the time, no one would care if you said no.
Just as fears are something we learn, saying yes to everything can become a learned habit. We are programmed starting from when we are very young that NO is an inappropriate or rude answer. Eat your broccoli, NO, share your toys, NO. It just isn't the right answer. But saying yes to things when you wanted to say no can cause so much angst. Why bother?
Think of a time you said yes instead of no and asked yourself why? Then ask it a few more times.
For example, my friends want to go to a concert in NYC, and I said yes, but I wish I said no.
- Why? Because I don't have enough money.
- But you really don't want them to know that.
- Why? Because I don't make as much money as they do.
- I don't want to be judged regarding my career choice.
- Why? Because I love my career, but they don't understand?
- Why? Because I feel like they will judge me.
- Why? Because all my life I have been judged, my mother always said I wasn't good enough.
Do you see where I am going with this? There are things deep inside us that keep us from listening to what sometimes can be a straightforward question. My executive coach taught me this "Yum or Yuck?"
Sometimes it is that easy, and here is where meditation can help.
Here is a true story: Wanting to be more vulnerable. Talk about the guy who didn't want to go on the golf trip. Meditation made him feel, clear, confident, and nonreactive, and he said NO and was so happy.
What about people who have restricted diets or maybe are on a diet?
Did you ever hear the comedian John Mulaney do the bit on canceling plans? It goes something like this:
"It's so much easier not to do things than to do things. It's 100% easier not to do things and so much fun not to do things, especially when you were supposed to do them.
In terms of instant relief canceling plans is like heroin - instant joy.
Kids don't like that - they say awwwwww we didn't do anything all day.
Did you ever as an adult what they did over the weekend, and they said they didn't do anything, and their face lights up!"
Although funny, this is pretty spot on. But it's hard. Meditation and mindfulness give us space to build our inner voice, our inner courage because it helps us be more comfortable being ourselves. For example, in a self-inquiry meditation, we ask ourselves a question such as "who am I" and be comfortable just sitting with the question without even answering it." We are building courage through listening to our inner wisdom and intuition.
There is nothing more satisfying then saying exactly what we want to say without question and without worrying about the outcome.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don't take anything personally.
- Don't make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
If you haven't read it or you haven't read it in years, please do!
My personal meditation addition goes like this:
- Be impeccable with your word. Be true to yourself; you are worth it.
- Don't take anything personally. Do not judge or be judged
- Don't make assumptions. Be mindful that we are all humans with our own stories. Own yours, but don't makeup someone else's.
- Always do your best. Start with this one, and the rest will follow. Use mindful actions to remind yourself always to do your best.
Use your daily practice to nourish yourself and be the very best you can be. A truthful, courageous and confident human.
Say no once and see how it feels.
Yum or Yuck? Give it a try.
Slow down before you speak, listen to your inner wisdom.
Ask yourself why you are saying yes and then ask again and maybe a third or fourth time.
With all the craziness in the world, especially now with the Corona Virus, remember to take time to care for yourself. Meditation helps increase your immune system and calm the nervous system.
If you haven't started, why not join my next group of Tators in the class beginning on April 19th. And it's all done online, so no need to worry about infection. It's going to be fun, easy, and useful.
Join me next week for another week of March Un-madness
Peace out tators